Girls Are Wingmen Too - Pick Me Up, I Dare You! 0 comments

Written By: Jodie Westerman

Really good ice breakers…

1) I see you're into ______. What do you think about _______?

Um… can you say intriguing? Not only has he taken the time to notice that “Go Green” pin I have on my bag… he wants to learn more about it… maybe even debate me on it. Sure, it may seem weird… challenging the views of someone you hardly know… but in doing so, you’ll stick out as someone who was not only dynamic and self-assured enough to engage a stranger in intelligent conversation, but different enough to capture their interest long after that conversation has ended.

2) I feel like I know you from somewhere…

This one is pure genius… Not only does it give you a mandate to explore all the places you “could have known each other from” (thus learning a lot about the person as they learn about you), it’s also ambiguous enough to render the other girl “rude” if she simply ignores or casts off such a fleeting, harmless observation.

After all, you were considerate enough to remember her… she should at least TRY to remember you. In the end, she’ll probably conclude you were mistaken and you never knew each other… but by that point… it won’t really matter. You’ll have broken the ice… and that’s all you set out to do in the first place!

3) Looking for a really good place to eat around here… know of any?

The cool thing about this line is its casual nature suggests you’re just hungry… but its effective application leaves the door open for her to come with you. Time spent eating at her favorite restaurant or snack bar?

Now that’s a successful ice breaker. And hey, even if she’s on the run or just simply a little leery of spending time with Mr. Stranger… she’ll be flattered that you chose her to help with your vitally important dining dilemma… and you’ll learn where there’s great sushi.

4) Hi, I'm _____. Look, I'm not very good at coming up with all kinds of clever lines to catch a girl/guy's interest… so I'm going to put it to you straight… I think you're really attractive and I'd like to get to know you.

When in doubt… just be honest. Girls respect honesty… and with all the game-playing that goes on these days… I, for one, would definitely reconsider my pre-programmed “no” when responding to something so new and refreshing as “I think I might like you… care to give me a chance?”

Not so good ice breakers…

1) DAMN girl… that ass is bootyLICIOUS.

No brainer? You would think. But I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen guys try to win a girl over by complimenting her body. Ok we get it that you wouldn’t be interested if you weren’t physically attracted to us. But when our bodies are all you can talk about… we know that’s all you’re interested in.

Call me an idealist… but I don’t think that’s true.

2) So sorry… but do you have the time? I seem to have forgotten my watch/phone.

This one’s been done over and over… so much so that when I actually have forgotten my watch or phone I make sure I ask a woman for the time just so no one thinks I’m hitting on them. But even if you DO need the time and you’re simply an OPPORTUNIST figuring you’ll kill two birds with one stone and catch the interest of that pretty girl at the corner table… this line is really a very bad ice breaker because it only does two things… tells you the time… and lets her know that you didn’t know the time. And I mean, really, how are you supposed to make a conversation out of that?

Oh, my, really? 2:05 PM you say? That certainly isn’t noon… but it’s also not 3:00PM either. Yes, I’d wager to say it’s definitely 2:05 PM. Which is what you just said. Thank you for your
accurate response to my inquiry.

3) I know you probably hear this all the time… but you look just like ________.

Sure, this sounds like a great way to tell a girl she’s hot without making a shovenistic comment about her appearance… but the risk of offending is just too high. What if she thinks Angelina Jolie has weird lips… or Keira Knightly is just too skinny.

Sure… all you meant to say was that the girl is pretty… but you’d better believe she’s over-analyzing the situation – and the odds are not in your favor.

4) Your man is a fool for letting you out of the house lookin that good.

Ok guys, we girls get it that when you mention our “boyfriend” – you’re really just asking if we have a boyfriend. We even find it rather endearing that you think you’re being clever. What we definitely don’t like is the idea that you honestly believe that if we had a boyfriend – we would obviously be doing everything he told us.

So, of course, our present situation… has been preapproved by the dominant male in our lives. Feminist-esque you say? Perhaps. But keep in mind that first impressions are very important. So if you can avoid appearing domineering… it’s best to do so.

Girls Are Wingmen Too - Confidence and the Art of Speedo Maintenance 0 comments

Written By: Jodie Westerman

Confidence: (1) A feeling of self-assurance. (2) A synonym for sexy.

Fact: When I was in high school, I was a skinny, nerdy bookworm who hid behind my hair and a foot wide dictionary.

Fiction: I was destined to be a librarian and there wasn’t anything I could do about it.

Hello again to my readers and thanks so much for all your feedback on last week’s “Player Tactics: Unearthed and Revealed” article. Your stories, comments, questions, and yes, even criticisms, are what keep me writing, thinking, and sharing. Be sure to check out the personalized responses listed below (and I apologize in advance if you find them incendiary… I just love a good debate!)

This week I have to mention the Olympics and how spectacularly our girls and guys are representing us in Beijing. Nastia Lieukun, Shawn Johnson, Phil Dalhausser, and, perhaps most impressively, the famed and glorious Michael Phelps, are just a few of the many athletes who have done us proud at the 2008 Summer Olympics. It’s been Phelps, however, who has intrigued me most throughout the week, and not just because he’s likely to beat Mark Spitz’s record… or because the man is built like a tank… but because of the way this big eared, long armed, swimtastic man is stealing the hearts of women everywhere as they swoon over his style in and out of the water.

What is it about Phelps that makes him so incredible? Oh geeze, I don’t know… maybe because he’s famous and about to make a bajillion more dollars selling sports related merchandise and posing in a speedo? Maybe.

Or maybe, just maybe, it’s because of the tremendous confidence he exudes as he dives head first (pun definitely intended) toward his goal – exhibiting little or no regard for others’ opinions and every regard for what he wants – to be the very best. Cocky, you say? Perhaps. But not nearly as cocky as the self proclaimed “players” who spend their every waking moment attempting to prove their masculinity by manipulating women.

Phelps, whose every waking moment is undoubtedly spent staring at the bottom of a pool, has managed to amass the interest of more women than the most experienced of players… while likely leading a much more fulfilling life. Another anti-player article, you ask? Not necessary – I think I made my points unwaveringly clear in last week’s article.

This week I’m here to talk to you about the power of confidence and how it changed my life for the better. You see, when I was younger, I suffered from insecurities of the worst possible kind. Post-growth spurt and pre-curves… I was a skinny, geeky, soft-spoken sixteen year old with a bad habit of staring at the floor. I wanted so badly to elevate myself socially… but try as I may… I just didn’t have the confidence (or the resources) to dress, look, and act like the bouncy cheerleaders and happy homecoming queens that lined the walls of administration. That was, until I found speech and debate… the home of nerdy thinkaholics like me who longed for a supportive outlet for all their thoughts, feelings and emotions.

My life changed overnight – and suddenly I didn’t care about my “status” so much as I cared about winning the next big tournament. I was on top of the world!!! – absorbed completely in the absolute satisfaction that comes of earning and building real self confidence – and barely noting the changes that had come over me.

It was here that my life really started. I met new friends, tried new things, and, yes, even went on my first real dates. But the most important thing that happened to me was self-discovery. Learning I was more than what I looked like seemed to make what I looked like a whole lot more attractive to others. Today I’m happy to say that I am no longer that shy girl in the corner reading a book. I’ve competed at local, state, and national venues in speech, debate, and mock trial events, scoured Hollywood’s social hotspots, represented my district at the Miss California 2007 pageant, and even started modeling!!! (If I can do it… you can too!!! -> )

My point? Be confident in who you are… and others will follow.

Thanks so much for visiting my column. I hope you found this week’s article both empowering and inspiring. Like always, I encourage/welcome all relevant comments/questions/criticisms… especially if they’re accompanied by a name I can respond to.

Thanks again,

- Jodie Westerman -

P.S. Should you wish to speak privately with me on these matters… please do not hesitate to pay me a visit on Myspace

Responses to last week’s comments…

 Chicks With Guns… I dig your style, too! Writing for you has been way fun. As for the negs… it’s the intent I distrust. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with teasing, so long as it’s not being used to break a girl’s self esteem down and/or manipulate her.

 Nicole… I totally get you, girl. First impressions are everything and when a guy makes like he knows you before he even gets your name… he might as well be waving the red flag himself.

 Jodi… Nice to hear from another Jodi out there! Glad you found those player tactics laugh-worthy… I know I did!

 Mikey… happy to be keeping it Bassy for you! Real women LOVE nice guys because they respect themselves enough to go after the best

 Erika… Thank you for sharing your own “neg” experience. The more I learn about the lengths guys go to capture a girl’s interest, the more I realize those “bad asses” you speak of are actually just desperate little boys trying to win a one player game.

 Anonymous… You are right that no one wants to end up with the “Jerkoff”… so instead these wannabe players spend their whole lives looking for a cheap screw. This in no way means the nice, single guy who is dating and enjoying his bachelorhood. This is the creepy guy hitting up women half his age, hard negging them, referring to them in the third person, and actually studying how to manipulate them into spreading their legs. If that’s not sick, I don’t know what is.

 Brittany… happy to oblige;) Just wanted to say thank you for your encouraging words. You are absolutely right that no girl should have to put up with this kind of treatment.

 Morgan… thanks so much for your thoughtful comment. I do have to respectfully disagree with your division of the population of women, however. While you assert that the majority of women are the same, I am of the opinion that (a) the women who consistently fall for these tactics are the same but that (b) they only constitute a small portion of the population and can typically be typecast by certain attributes that indicate low self-esteem. In other words, it’s not that these tactics work because most women are the same, it’s that the unhappy men you speak of are deliberately going after women they think will fall for their act and, more often than not, they’re right because they’re practiced in the art of picking on sad, under confident people. I do absolutely agree that much of the situation stems from a sense of sadness on behalf of both genders. Dating can be a pretty traumatic thing… but it shouldn’t be made more difficult game playing and deliberate manipulation.

 Anonymous… You brought new light to the article and I very much appreciate your thoughts. You are right that many women do see through these tactics yet still credit the man with greater depth of character. The truth is though, and I’ve experienced this personally, misjudging a man’s character is ultimately a very painful thing… and if I can help girls (and guys) to avoid game playing and the pain it causes… that’s exactly what I’m going to do.

 Anonymous… Your words bring hope to womankind. Spread the word if you can… and thanks so much for reading!

 Gina… So glad you enjoyed the article. Thanks for bringing up the problem of girls who feign stupidity to get attention. Ladies if you’re reading this… please do your fellow womankind a favor and behave intelligently. We have enough problems as it is; we don’t need to be feeding into the male delusion that all women can be manipulated.

 Anonymous… thanks

 Taylor… You are an absolutely beautiful writer and your thoughts brought a new depth and feeling to this article. Yes, the men (and women) who use these tricks are sinking pretty low. But by realizing not only their tactics, but their motives, we can grow stronger and more ready to find and embrace real love.

 Kristen… Sounds like Shrkn8er is a pretty great guy!

 Hypebeast… Thanks so much for taking the time to comment/critique my article! However, I must respectfully disagree with your assertion that the article, itself, is written from a feminist standpoint. In today’s modern era of equal opportunity (and sometimes reverse discrimination in the event of affirmative action and quota motivated employment) I hold no delusions about the powers vested in women by government and society at large. Furthermore, I am a centrist by every definition of the word so please do not confuse my editorial tone with the sort of liberal flare that typically characterizes most budding journalists. I am simply a 21 year old young lady speaking honestly and candidly on a series of tactics which really do seem ridiculous to me and, sorry to say it, most of our female readers. Women are not victimized by these tactics because we have the power to use reason and rationalize a pathetic situation when we see it. It is not feminist to believe that a man who actually pays money to study online tutorial type materials on how to manipulate women into spreading their legs is wrong/stupid/just plain a waste of one’s life. It is common sense. As for Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome? I take the time to talk to everyone (guys and girls alike) who request my attention. I am an aspiring politician

Girls Are Wingmen Too - PLAYER TACTICS: UNEARTHED AND REVEALED 0 comments

Written By: Jodie Westerman

So the other day I was perusing through the countless archives of internet dating tips and stories written by self-proclaimed “experts” on love (God?) when I discovered one of the more shocking affronts to my youthful innocence.

“29 Reasons Not to be a Nice Guy”, by Ray Gordon, articulates an extremely in-depth (and disturbingly eloquent) analysis of the modern day player and how he gets what he ALLEGEDLY wants (sex with multiple hot chicks) without having to give them what they ALLEGEDLY want (money, prestige, and two-faced commitment because apparently, Ray and his Alt. Seduction Fast followers don’t believe that women would actually want a man who only wanted her).

This article, being only the beginning of a string of internet chat rooms and sites designed to provide support and advice to budding ASF’s and No-More-Mr.-Nice-Guys including but not limited to fastseduction.com, stylelife.com, and VH1’s infamous mysterymethod.com all share one fatal flaw – they assume all women are the same – and more to the point – all BEAUTIFUL women are EXACTLY the same.

Now I may not (or may – I’ll let you decide) be a “ten” (guys like to rate women from one to ten – with the sexiest “foxes” taking the higher end of the number scale), but I’ve never had trouble meeting great (and not so great) guys. Thus, I read on… curious to learn the tricks that have been played on me… and how best to avoid them. Funny thing is… NONE of these tactics even BEGIN to describe the ideal circumstances under which I’d like to meet a guy… yet countless men reported back success after implementing them… picking up multiple women in one night, pushing their sexual limits, and dumping them in the morning (or whenever they happen to tire of their sexual prize… because, according to Gordon… women are good for one thing only).

Below I’ve listed the player tactics used by ASF’s who no longer want to feel like an AFC (“A Frustrated Chump”). All of these strategies stem from the underlying assumption that all “foxes” are the same (save a few variables such as how much money they have and if they are a “secret slut” or not) and thus all women will respond pretty much the same way to their procured manipulation and deceit.

The following tactics are paraphrased so as to avoid plagiarism. They come from a variety of sources… the primary of which being Gordon’s “29 Reasons Not to be a Nice Guy”.

1. Understand that she is good for only one thing – and treat her that way.

Sure, it’s commonly asserted that men “give love for sex” and women “give sex for love” (a point I’ll be refuting momentarily;)… but ASF’s take it to the extreme! According to Gordon, “If a [girl] wants a [guy]… she will not care if he is a pig who only wants her body, but whether or not she measures up to his standards. He deserves the best, and she comes on to him like a porn-star or stripper.”

Ok whoa whoa whoa… let me get this straight. These guys think that if a girl likes a guy… she’ll be his willing, personal slut… no questions asked?! Hardly. And any guy touting like he wields this type of control is either a liar or an abuser (two things I know I personally don’t tolerate – and doubt any self respecting woman would, either).

So who, exactly, is this abusive player possessing? Not me, that’s for sure. And not my friends, either. Any woman who views her body as the “right price to pay” for something she wants is a slut or a prostitute. So congratulations to the ASF’s of the world… you are learning how to bag a slut (and all her diseases) while simultaneously scaring off the good girls who might actually like you for you!

2. Treat your soulmate like a slut.

Ok now this one really rubbed me the wrong way. Why? Because it’s clearly propounded upon the theory that all women are the same as the one who undoubtedly burned the author. Hear me out.

Gordon writes, “A nice guy loses by pinning all of his hopes on one Fox, which she crushes with the predictability of the sunrise. The treat your soulmate like a slut rule is unfortunate, but necessary. Be a jerk who has ten Foxes and each will want you to choose her; be a nice guy who wants any one of the ten, and they each will consider you too clingy.”

Sadly, many women have given nice guys reason to feel betrayed. But the same can be said for nice girls who find themselves heartbroken and afraid to try again. Truth be told, we all get our hearts broken at one point or another. But that shouldn’t blind us from the countless successful relationships that manage to endure and prosper – producing families and happiness that simply wouldn’t have been possible without trust. Do the ASF’s of the world really believe they can be a player forever? Newsflash – there’s only one Hugh Heffner – and nobody likes him, they like his money.

3. Woo her with baby talk.

According to Gordon, “[Women love] baby talk. Why not? It doesn’t require them to think!”
Ex)

Guy: Well hello there young lady.

Girl: Hello.

Guy: What’s your name?

Girl: Stacy.

Guy: Is Stacy having a good time tonight?

Girl: Um, sorta.

Guy: Stacy looks like she’s had a rough day. I bet Stacy wants to just go home, huh?

Girl: Yeah…

Ok, I’m sorry, ew. Referring to me in the third person is tolerable at best… and that’s if I’ve had my coffee and you happen to be my grandma. While 29 Reasons might profess you to be a “playful guy” with a “hidden agenda”… I see you as an annoying guy who I could quite frankly care less if they had an agenda or not because I’m already walking out the door…

4. Use the Changeup.

Here’s the example provided in the text…

Jerk: Hey baby… wanna [have sex]

Fox: Ew, no. *slap*

Jerk: Hey hey hey! I was just kidding. I apologize. I don’t know what came over me. Give me a chance to prove I’m not like that.

Wow, I don’t know about you guys but I think the Changeup sounds like a good way to get pepper sprayed in the eye while simultaneously experiencing a nice long heel up the ***. In case you players forgot, we women DO have fathers who taught us all about the rapists and murderers of the world and we’re not about to gamble our safety on some horny bastard. You want to try a changeup? How about changing up your location so it’s at least one city away from me.

5. Use sex as a weapon.

Now this one really caught me off guard. Sex as a weapon?

Sure I get that all these wanna-be-players (think) they want is sex… but how can they use their own prize as a weapon?

The concept is simple… don’t buy any part of the cow until you get all the milk for free. That is… refuse to date/nurture/give the time of day to a woman who isn’t “respecting you” by putting out. Then, when they do, pull out before you have to pay your dues.

Brutal, huh? Yet surprisingly effective at ruling out the genuine girls and bagging the sluts/users/gold diggers of the world. Is that you? I doubt it. Nobody sees themselves that way and nobody should have to. Stand up for yourself and demand respect. Man or woman, your body is precious and should not be shared with someone who is trying to hurt you.

6. The neg.

Here’s something that was done to me on a very mild scale at a party about a year ago.

I’m dancing, having fun, and really minding my own business, when this tall-dark-and-handsome know-it-all dances up and escorts me off the floor. Right then and there I’m feeling aggravated. This guy just interrupted my fun… and my favorite Fergie song! But I’m polite… and listen to what he has to say.

He tells me his name is Jack, and he noticed me “from across the room” (guys love this sort of thing… beware of it because unless you’re 6’3” or part elephant – you’re probably blending into the crowd just fine).

Then he says… there are three things that make him want to get to know a person better. (1) They’re beautiful. (2) They’re outgoing (3) They’re comfortable with themselves.

He then proceeds to tell me that I have two of those things… but I’m missing one of them… and he’s not going to tell me which one.

Now I’ll admit. I was initially curious. Then I came to my senses. This guy didn’t know me at all! He had no authority to judge if I was outgoing OR comfortable with myself. So basically, he had either called me over there to tell me he didn’t find me attractive (highly doubtful considering he’s taken the time to talk to me in the first place) or he was playing some kind of mind game with me. Well, I don’t like being criticized, and I don’t like games. So I went back to the dance floor and told the chump to take a hike… later learning that he had indeed been trying his hand at the “neg”… a mild criticism used to push a Fox off her heels and (eventually) onto your bed.

Ok guys, these just don’t work. If a girl isn’t that into you, criticizing her isn’t going to change that. And if it does, she is likely psychologically damaged in some way. Do you want to hurt someone just to sleep with them? Are you really that big a jerk? I doubt it. But if you are… beware of the girls like me who will just as swiftly take you down.

There were countless other tactics revealed to me through Gordon’s article: but I’ve given you the basics. I urge you to comment/question/criticize this week’s article so we can develop an ongoing dialogue about these issues. All comments pertaining to last week’s article are promised to be addressed next week… so definitely keep checking back!
Thank you to my readers and best wishes to you all…

Jodie

Girls are Wingmen Too - To lead or not to lead… That is the Question 0 comments

Written By: Jodie Westerman


When I was a little girl, I used to dream of meeting my perfect Prince Charming… the man who would sweep me off my feet and carry me away – no questions asked – into a sunset filled happily ever after. Never did it occur to me I might not want to join him… for I was his damsel in distress, his princess, the lady by his side (or, in some circumstances, behind him on a giant, random horse)… for ever and ever and ever and WAIT A SECOND.

I don’t even like riding horses! Nor do I enjoy pledging my life to a man I hardly know! I am an independent, educated, outspoken woman of the 21st century… and I have every right to go after the man of MY dreams, right?

Wrong!

Well, sort of wrong. Ladies… hear me out. I get it that the times have changed… that we don’t have to sit around on our prim and proper bottoms waiting for our “gentlemen callers” to shape and mold our otherwise hot and sticky domestic days. But with all of the social movements and political changes that have made us the successful, fantastic, SEXY individuals that we are today… one thing hasn’t changed… and that’s the equally SEXY way that the confident, alpha male of our dreams goes after the woman of his own.

Sure it might be tempting to pursue your “one true love” all by yourself, but when you do, and I can say this from personal experience, you feel the saddening aftermath of never having been the object of his undivided affection. Perhaps one of our readers said it best with her comment…

“I think women should avoid being aggressive with men. It makes us look bad, and the guy automatically assumes that we are ‘easy.’”

Easy, indeed. And not just in the physical sense. You see, when a woman relentlessly pursues a man… she is saying a number of things to him.

1. She's saying she has no other options.

Like it or not (and whether it’s true or not)… “going after what you want” can often be confused with desperation. And with all of the misconceptions men already harbor about what women want… appearing desperate right off the bat is a sure fire way to scare him away.

2. She's saying she can handle everything on her own.

Sure, you’re capable of opening your own doors, bringing your own jacket, and yes, even footing the bill… but it’s these little gestures of chivalry that make him feel needed, wanted, and, dare I say it… manly.

3. She's saying she’s not worth much.


I’ll say it once and I’ll say it again… the girl who plays “hard to get” is the girl the boys work hard to get.

As one reader put it:


“It took me awhile to realize that, I gave too freely of myself to others and then felt completely empty inside. It was because I never gave to myself first and suffered in my personal life and relationships as a result.”

Well said, reader! And thank you for your insight!

Clearly, the road to romance can seem very much unlike the storybooks that shaped our innocence and youth. And yet, there is something to be said for the “damsel in distress” who waits patiently (and cleverly) for her knight in shining armor to come rescue her.


Though times have changed, and women are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves, the male instinct to rescue, conquer, and protect is, I think, an indisputable component of any healthy and lasting relationship. On that note, I will leave you with an important question posed by one of our readers.

“What would you say to some traditional girls that like to put their guy as number one, even at the expense of her own feelings?

Responses to this inquiry are much appreciated… as well as comments/questions/responses to this week’s article. I look forward to hearing your thoughts on the oh-so-controversial matters of the heart!

- Jodie -

Girls Are Wingmen Too - Cheaters Never Win 0 comments

Written By: Jodie Westerman

Love. It’s the “A” plot of every movie since the beginning of time. It’s every little girl’s most fantastical dream, and every little boy’s most terrifying nightmare. It’s the reason Dashboard Confessional won’t stop crying. Well, that, and because we, apparently, will continue to pay them to do that. But I digress.

The point is… love is everywhere. It’s all around us. Yet, for some strange reason, it never seems to completely INCLUDE us. And the more we strive to find that “perfect love”, the more completely it seems to conceal itself amidst a world of lies, deceit, impossible standards, and, dare I say it, the dead-end doom of infidelity.

Why, then, do some people seem to find love so easily… while others only seem to be chasing love away? While it’s often tempting to brush it off with a simple “Love works in mysterious ways”, or, my personal favorite, “God has a plan”, I am of the humble opinion that you aren’t meant to spend every Saturday night watching I Love Lucy re-runs and gorging on cool ranch Doritos (delicious as they may be).

Moreover, I really do believe that there are steps you can take to ensure the door to love is open, without having to wait around to hold it open yourself. I invite you to check out my list of dating do’s and don’ts below and let me know what you think. Some are from experience. Some are from observation. But all are from the heart.

The Definitely Don’ts:

1. Don’t allow someone to cheat on you.

They may say it’s for a million reasons. They were angry. They were drunk. They just weren’t thinking straight. They were stranded on a desert island for 15 years and thought they’d never see you again. (Ok, well maybe that last one could be an exception).

But the point is – cheating is never ok. And the second you let someone cheat on you, you say to them and the world, “Go ahead and do what you want to me, because I’m not worth your time, your honesty, or your respect.”

2. Don’t give it all away in the beginning

Guy or girl, it doesn’t really matter – love is a product of mystery and intrigue. Do you want to know what happens at the end of a movie before you even see it? Of course not! (Well, except for M. Night Shamalan’s The Happening… I would have much rather skipped out on that).

My point being that human nature is adventurous - and someone who gives it all away in the beginning probably won’t seem worth the journey, after all.

3. Don’t chase.

They say love is a game of cat and mouse – (with the guy being the cat, and the girl being the mouse, of course). I would have to strongly disagree. Sure, sheer dogged persistence might win you a sympathy date or two. And playing hard to get will certainly achieve that necessary mystery and intrigue in the beginning.

But eventually, love needs to be about two people who genuinely care about each other and want to spend time together… and if it’s not… well it probably will never be.

The Definitely Do’s:

1. Do maintain an active and fulfilling life while in AND out of relationships.

Sure, it might be tempting to build your life around the LOVE of your life (or lack-there-of), but falling victim to this self-demeaning trap brands you “boring” from the word “go”.
Think about it: people pursue romantic relationships because they long for a unique and interesting addition to their lives.

Someone to talk to. Someone to listen to. And, perhaps most important of all – someone to learn from. Without your own unique experiences, interests, friends, and goals – you couldn’t possibly maintain the interest, intrigue, and yes, love, of your man/lady.

2. Do be honest.

While this might seem like a no brainer, experience has shown me that it’s not as easy as it seems. Too often do we fall victim to the trap of hiding our true feelings to make somebody feel better about themselves and what they want. But it takes two to tango – and if you’re not really feeling the dance – you need to SAY SOMETHING – or else you’re going to have to keep whirling around on those very uncomfortable heels in that long skirt that keeps catching on his belt. (Yes, that analogy went way WAY too far – I do apologize).

3. Do remember who’s number one.

A good friend of mine once listened to a heartbroken story of mine… complete with tears, chocolate ice cream, and smeared mascara on her shirt… only to shush me (as many often do)… and simply say “Jodie – you need to remember who’s number one”.

It’s so simple, but remembering to put yourself first can be almost impossible. Believe me when I say, sombody’s gotta look out for you!

I hope these dating Do’s and Don’ts will help you as much as they have helped me. I invite questions, comments, and yes, even criticisms… so please… send me a message or comment with your thoughts and opinions on the oh-so-controversial matters of the heart. Hope to hear from you soon!

- Jodie -

Girls Are Wingmen Too - With Jodie Westerman 0 comments

A strapping young L.A. single gives advice on dating.

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