Written By: Jodie Westerman Love. It’s the “A” plot of every movie since the beginning of time. It’s every little girl’s most fantastical dream, and every little boy’s most terrifying nightmare. It’s the reason Dashboard Confessional won’t stop crying. Well, that, and because we, apparently, will continue to pay them to do that. But I digress.
The point is… love is everywhere. It’s all around us. Yet, for some strange reason, it never seems to completely INCLUDE us. And the more we strive to find that “perfect love”, the more completely it seems to conceal itself amidst a world of lies, deceit, impossible standards, and, dare I say it, the dead-end doom of infidelity.
Why, then, do some people seem to find love so easily… while others only seem to be chasing love away? While it’s often tempting to brush it off with a simple “Love works in mysterious ways”, or, my personal favorite, “God has a plan”, I am of the humble opinion that you aren’t meant to spend every Saturday night watching I Love Lucy re-runs and gorging on cool ranch Doritos (delicious as they may be).
Moreover, I really do believe that there are steps you can take to ensure the door to love is open, without having to wait around to hold it open yourself. I invite you to check out my list of dating do’s and don’ts below and let me know what you think. Some are from experience. Some are from observation. But all are from the heart.
The Definitely Don’ts:
1. Don’t allow someone to cheat on you.
They may say it’s for a million reasons. They were angry. They were drunk. They just weren’t thinking straight. They were stranded on a desert island for 15 years and thought they’d never see you again. (Ok, well maybe that last one could be an exception).
But the point is – cheating is never ok. And the second you let someone cheat on you, you say to them and the world, “Go ahead and do what you want to me, because I’m not worth your time, your honesty, or your respect.”
2. Don’t give it all away in the beginning
Guy or girl, it doesn’t really matter – love is a product of mystery and intrigue. Do you want to know what happens at the end of a movie before you even see it? Of course not! (Well, except for M. Night Shamalan’s The Happening… I would have much rather skipped out on that).
My point being that human nature is adventurous - and someone who gives it all away in the beginning probably won’t seem worth the journey, after all.
3. Don’t chase.
They say love is a game of cat and mouse – (with the guy being the cat, and the girl being the mouse, of course). I would have to strongly disagree. Sure, sheer dogged persistence might win you a sympathy date or two. And playing hard to get will certainly achieve that necessary mystery and intrigue in the beginning.
But eventually, love needs to be about two people who genuinely care about each other and want to spend time together… and if it’s not… well it probably will never be.
The Definitely Do’s:
1. Do maintain an active and fulfilling life while in AND out of relationships.
Sure, it might be tempting to build your life around the LOVE of your life (or lack-there-of), but falling victim to this self-demeaning trap brands you “boring” from the word “go”.
Think about it: people pursue romantic relationships because they long for a unique and interesting addition to their lives.
Someone to talk to. Someone to listen to. And, perhaps most important of all – someone to learn from. Without your own unique experiences, interests, friends, and goals – you couldn’t possibly maintain the interest, intrigue, and yes, love, of your man/lady.
2. Do be honest.
While this might seem like a no brainer, experience has shown me that it’s not as easy as it seems. Too often do we fall victim to the trap of hiding our true feelings to make somebody feel better about themselves and what they want. But it takes two to tango – and if you’re not really feeling the dance – you need to SAY SOMETHING – or else you’re going to have to keep whirling around on those very uncomfortable heels in that long skirt that keeps catching on his belt. (Yes, that analogy went way WAY too far – I do apologize).
3. Do remember who’s number one.
A good friend of mine once listened to a heartbroken story of mine… complete with tears, chocolate ice cream, and smeared mascara on her shirt… only to shush me (as many often do)… and simply say “Jodie – you need to remember who’s number one”.
It’s so simple, but remembering to put yourself first can be almost impossible. Believe me when I say, sombody’s gotta look out for you!
I hope these dating Do’s and Don’ts will help you as much as they have helped me. I invite questions, comments, and yes, even criticisms… so please… send me a message or comment with your thoughts and opinions on the oh-so-controversial matters of the heart. Hope to hear from you soon!
- Jodie -
0 comments:
Post a Comment