Girls Are Wingmen Too - Confidence and the Art of Speedo Maintenance

Written By: Jodie Westerman

Confidence: (1) A feeling of self-assurance. (2) A synonym for sexy.

Fact: When I was in high school, I was a skinny, nerdy bookworm who hid behind my hair and a foot wide dictionary.

Fiction: I was destined to be a librarian and there wasn’t anything I could do about it.

Hello again to my readers and thanks so much for all your feedback on last week’s “Player Tactics: Unearthed and Revealed” article. Your stories, comments, questions, and yes, even criticisms, are what keep me writing, thinking, and sharing. Be sure to check out the personalized responses listed below (and I apologize in advance if you find them incendiary… I just love a good debate!)

This week I have to mention the Olympics and how spectacularly our girls and guys are representing us in Beijing. Nastia Lieukun, Shawn Johnson, Phil Dalhausser, and, perhaps most impressively, the famed and glorious Michael Phelps, are just a few of the many athletes who have done us proud at the 2008 Summer Olympics. It’s been Phelps, however, who has intrigued me most throughout the week, and not just because he’s likely to beat Mark Spitz’s record… or because the man is built like a tank… but because of the way this big eared, long armed, swimtastic man is stealing the hearts of women everywhere as they swoon over his style in and out of the water.

What is it about Phelps that makes him so incredible? Oh geeze, I don’t know… maybe because he’s famous and about to make a bajillion more dollars selling sports related merchandise and posing in a speedo? Maybe.

Or maybe, just maybe, it’s because of the tremendous confidence he exudes as he dives head first (pun definitely intended) toward his goal – exhibiting little or no regard for others’ opinions and every regard for what he wants – to be the very best. Cocky, you say? Perhaps. But not nearly as cocky as the self proclaimed “players” who spend their every waking moment attempting to prove their masculinity by manipulating women.

Phelps, whose every waking moment is undoubtedly spent staring at the bottom of a pool, has managed to amass the interest of more women than the most experienced of players… while likely leading a much more fulfilling life. Another anti-player article, you ask? Not necessary – I think I made my points unwaveringly clear in last week’s article.

This week I’m here to talk to you about the power of confidence and how it changed my life for the better. You see, when I was younger, I suffered from insecurities of the worst possible kind. Post-growth spurt and pre-curves… I was a skinny, geeky, soft-spoken sixteen year old with a bad habit of staring at the floor. I wanted so badly to elevate myself socially… but try as I may… I just didn’t have the confidence (or the resources) to dress, look, and act like the bouncy cheerleaders and happy homecoming queens that lined the walls of administration. That was, until I found speech and debate… the home of nerdy thinkaholics like me who longed for a supportive outlet for all their thoughts, feelings and emotions.

My life changed overnight – and suddenly I didn’t care about my “status” so much as I cared about winning the next big tournament. I was on top of the world!!! – absorbed completely in the absolute satisfaction that comes of earning and building real self confidence – and barely noting the changes that had come over me.

It was here that my life really started. I met new friends, tried new things, and, yes, even went on my first real dates. But the most important thing that happened to me was self-discovery. Learning I was more than what I looked like seemed to make what I looked like a whole lot more attractive to others. Today I’m happy to say that I am no longer that shy girl in the corner reading a book. I’ve competed at local, state, and national venues in speech, debate, and mock trial events, scoured Hollywood’s social hotspots, represented my district at the Miss California 2007 pageant, and even started modeling!!! (If I can do it… you can too!!! -> )

My point? Be confident in who you are… and others will follow.

Thanks so much for visiting my column. I hope you found this week’s article both empowering and inspiring. Like always, I encourage/welcome all relevant comments/questions/criticisms… especially if they’re accompanied by a name I can respond to.

Thanks again,

- Jodie Westerman -

P.S. Should you wish to speak privately with me on these matters… please do not hesitate to pay me a visit on Myspace

Responses to last week’s comments…

 Chicks With Guns… I dig your style, too! Writing for you has been way fun. As for the negs… it’s the intent I distrust. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with teasing, so long as it’s not being used to break a girl’s self esteem down and/or manipulate her.

 Nicole… I totally get you, girl. First impressions are everything and when a guy makes like he knows you before he even gets your name… he might as well be waving the red flag himself.

 Jodi… Nice to hear from another Jodi out there! Glad you found those player tactics laugh-worthy… I know I did!

 Mikey… happy to be keeping it Bassy for you! Real women LOVE nice guys because they respect themselves enough to go after the best

 Erika… Thank you for sharing your own “neg” experience. The more I learn about the lengths guys go to capture a girl’s interest, the more I realize those “bad asses” you speak of are actually just desperate little boys trying to win a one player game.

 Anonymous… You are right that no one wants to end up with the “Jerkoff”… so instead these wannabe players spend their whole lives looking for a cheap screw. This in no way means the nice, single guy who is dating and enjoying his bachelorhood. This is the creepy guy hitting up women half his age, hard negging them, referring to them in the third person, and actually studying how to manipulate them into spreading their legs. If that’s not sick, I don’t know what is.

 Brittany… happy to oblige;) Just wanted to say thank you for your encouraging words. You are absolutely right that no girl should have to put up with this kind of treatment.

 Morgan… thanks so much for your thoughtful comment. I do have to respectfully disagree with your division of the population of women, however. While you assert that the majority of women are the same, I am of the opinion that (a) the women who consistently fall for these tactics are the same but that (b) they only constitute a small portion of the population and can typically be typecast by certain attributes that indicate low self-esteem. In other words, it’s not that these tactics work because most women are the same, it’s that the unhappy men you speak of are deliberately going after women they think will fall for their act and, more often than not, they’re right because they’re practiced in the art of picking on sad, under confident people. I do absolutely agree that much of the situation stems from a sense of sadness on behalf of both genders. Dating can be a pretty traumatic thing… but it shouldn’t be made more difficult game playing and deliberate manipulation.

 Anonymous… You brought new light to the article and I very much appreciate your thoughts. You are right that many women do see through these tactics yet still credit the man with greater depth of character. The truth is though, and I’ve experienced this personally, misjudging a man’s character is ultimately a very painful thing… and if I can help girls (and guys) to avoid game playing and the pain it causes… that’s exactly what I’m going to do.

 Anonymous… Your words bring hope to womankind. Spread the word if you can… and thanks so much for reading!

 Gina… So glad you enjoyed the article. Thanks for bringing up the problem of girls who feign stupidity to get attention. Ladies if you’re reading this… please do your fellow womankind a favor and behave intelligently. We have enough problems as it is; we don’t need to be feeding into the male delusion that all women can be manipulated.

 Anonymous… thanks

 Taylor… You are an absolutely beautiful writer and your thoughts brought a new depth and feeling to this article. Yes, the men (and women) who use these tricks are sinking pretty low. But by realizing not only their tactics, but their motives, we can grow stronger and more ready to find and embrace real love.

 Kristen… Sounds like Shrkn8er is a pretty great guy!

 Hypebeast… Thanks so much for taking the time to comment/critique my article! However, I must respectfully disagree with your assertion that the article, itself, is written from a feminist standpoint. In today’s modern era of equal opportunity (and sometimes reverse discrimination in the event of affirmative action and quota motivated employment) I hold no delusions about the powers vested in women by government and society at large. Furthermore, I am a centrist by every definition of the word so please do not confuse my editorial tone with the sort of liberal flare that typically characterizes most budding journalists. I am simply a 21 year old young lady speaking honestly and candidly on a series of tactics which really do seem ridiculous to me and, sorry to say it, most of our female readers. Women are not victimized by these tactics because we have the power to use reason and rationalize a pathetic situation when we see it. It is not feminist to believe that a man who actually pays money to study online tutorial type materials on how to manipulate women into spreading their legs is wrong/stupid/just plain a waste of one’s life. It is common sense. As for Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome? I take the time to talk to everyone (guys and girls alike) who request my attention. I am an aspiring politician