Girls are Wingmen Too - To lead or not to lead… That is the Question

Written By: Jodie Westerman


When I was a little girl, I used to dream of meeting my perfect Prince Charming… the man who would sweep me off my feet and carry me away – no questions asked – into a sunset filled happily ever after. Never did it occur to me I might not want to join him… for I was his damsel in distress, his princess, the lady by his side (or, in some circumstances, behind him on a giant, random horse)… for ever and ever and ever and WAIT A SECOND.

I don’t even like riding horses! Nor do I enjoy pledging my life to a man I hardly know! I am an independent, educated, outspoken woman of the 21st century… and I have every right to go after the man of MY dreams, right?

Wrong!

Well, sort of wrong. Ladies… hear me out. I get it that the times have changed… that we don’t have to sit around on our prim and proper bottoms waiting for our “gentlemen callers” to shape and mold our otherwise hot and sticky domestic days. But with all of the social movements and political changes that have made us the successful, fantastic, SEXY individuals that we are today… one thing hasn’t changed… and that’s the equally SEXY way that the confident, alpha male of our dreams goes after the woman of his own.

Sure it might be tempting to pursue your “one true love” all by yourself, but when you do, and I can say this from personal experience, you feel the saddening aftermath of never having been the object of his undivided affection. Perhaps one of our readers said it best with her comment…

“I think women should avoid being aggressive with men. It makes us look bad, and the guy automatically assumes that we are ‘easy.’”

Easy, indeed. And not just in the physical sense. You see, when a woman relentlessly pursues a man… she is saying a number of things to him.

1. She's saying she has no other options.

Like it or not (and whether it’s true or not)… “going after what you want” can often be confused with desperation. And with all of the misconceptions men already harbor about what women want… appearing desperate right off the bat is a sure fire way to scare him away.

2. She's saying she can handle everything on her own.

Sure, you’re capable of opening your own doors, bringing your own jacket, and yes, even footing the bill… but it’s these little gestures of chivalry that make him feel needed, wanted, and, dare I say it… manly.

3. She's saying she’s not worth much.


I’ll say it once and I’ll say it again… the girl who plays “hard to get” is the girl the boys work hard to get.

As one reader put it:


“It took me awhile to realize that, I gave too freely of myself to others and then felt completely empty inside. It was because I never gave to myself first and suffered in my personal life and relationships as a result.”

Well said, reader! And thank you for your insight!

Clearly, the road to romance can seem very much unlike the storybooks that shaped our innocence and youth. And yet, there is something to be said for the “damsel in distress” who waits patiently (and cleverly) for her knight in shining armor to come rescue her.


Though times have changed, and women are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves, the male instinct to rescue, conquer, and protect is, I think, an indisputable component of any healthy and lasting relationship. On that note, I will leave you with an important question posed by one of our readers.

“What would you say to some traditional girls that like to put their guy as number one, even at the expense of her own feelings?

Responses to this inquiry are much appreciated… as well as comments/questions/responses to this week’s article. I look forward to hearing your thoughts on the oh-so-controversial matters of the heart!

- Jodie -