Whirled News - White House Reveals New Economic Plan

The Bush administration revealed its new economic plan to reverse the downward trend of the United States economy, which it now projects that, barring any action and with the election of a Democrat as President and an increase in the number of Democratic Senate and Congressional seats, will be in recession in January, 2009.

The plan, reminiscent of the successful plan following the attacks of 9/11, calls upon Americans to increase their shopping.

“Our economists are still working out some details,” the President said, “But that’s no excuse for Congress not taking immediate action to get us out of these difficulties which they’ve put us into by their reckless spending.”

The details still to be worked out center around whether increased shopping means spending more money or buying more things. With inflation gaining steam, the growing consensus is that consumers must buy more things, since merely spending more money will not lead to increased production or jobs. But with real income steadily declining and jobs disappearing, exactly where Americans will find additional money to spend remains unclear. Nevertheless the President expressed optimism.

“Americans are pretty creative when it comes to finding a way,” he said. “With one in every 461 American homes now in foreclosure, I foresee small businesses springing up that paint and put up foreclosure signs. We can develop a whole new job sector in the futures market, speculating on how much people’s possessions will sell for. Americans can wheel carts up and down the streets, collecting people’s possessions from the curbs and reselling them.”

In response to a reporter pointing out that reselling people’s possessions will not stimulate production, the President responded, “That’s an example of the usual short-sighted thinking. What about building all those carts?”

The President also called for extending the tax cuts for the wealthy.

“If the upper class starts to suffer, who will the people look to for inspiration and hope?” he asked.

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, however, indicated that the White House plan faces an uncertain future.

“This is a reckless and ill-thought out plan,” she said, “And it further proves the wisdom of our strategy of continuing to counterbalance his policies with cautious inaction.”