Whirled News - North Korean Satellite Launched

With the recovery by American ships in the Pacific Ocean of the failed North Korean satellite launch, new details have emerged about the secret North Korean project.

“Retrieval of the satellite was easier than expected,” said an American official, “We had expected that it would sink pretty quickly down to the ocean floor, but it was actually bobbing on the surface.”

Experts surmised that the flotation qualities were due to the satellite’s unique construction.

“It seems to be a volleyball with metal hair curlers and rabbit ear television antennas glued to the surface,” said one unnamed official, “It’s really quite remarkable. Our next step is to conduct a spectrographic analysis to analyze what kind of space age bonding agent they used so that the hair curlers and antennas would remain adhered to the volleyball during the high winds and g-force present during takeoff.”

North Korean officials meanwhile insisted that the launch was a success, despite the fact that the rocket failed to deliver the satellite into orbit.

“This glorious achievement of Kim Jong Il heralds the dawn of a new era,” said a North Korean spokesperson, “Even as we speak the satellite is still traveling, and by the time it reaches America it will have traveled farther in one direction than any satellite any nation has ever launched.”

The international uproar over the launch meanwhile continued.

“This does for President Obama what the invasion of Grenada did for Reagan and the invasion of Panama did for Bush,” crowed one aide, “By taking the toughest possible position against a pathetically weak adversary, we can appear strong enough to temporarily shut up viewers of Fox News. This is pure red meat for the meat-heads.”