Whirled News - Palin Revealed as Second Choice for Veep

Insiders in the McCain campaign revealed today that Alaska Governor Sarah Palin had been John McCain’s second choice for Vice-President, when his first choice pulled out at the last minute.

“Jesus Christ would have been a perfect match for the Senator,” the source said. “Choosing Christ certainly would have sent a strong message to our base. Both the Senator and Christ suffered mightily for the welfare of their fellow men and women. The image of the two of them on the podium at the Convention, unable to raise their arms because of their torture, would have left an indelible impression. And like the Senator, Christ also firmly believed that His government was never going to help provide for the basic needs of its people, so that its only competency lies in providing national security.”

According to the source, Christ had agreed in principle to serve as McCain’s running mate but in the days preceding the official announcement, signs of hesitation began to appear. “First the Christ camp expressed reservations about trespassing across the traditional separation between church and state. We were able to reassure them that that artificial division had pretty much disappeared in the last eight years.. But then they insisted that the Senator renounce all influence of rich people and powerful lobbyists, and we finally had to draw the line at that. Jesus argued that for Him to join the Republican ticket after having made His reputation by chasing the Pharisees from the money temples would be too inconsistent with His image and leave Him open to charges of hypocrisy. Although we pointed out repeatedly that although Senator McCain has consistently denounced the influence of the rich, his long and continuing associations with powerful lobbyists haven’t bothered his supporters at all, ultimately we weren’t able to overcome Jesus’s reservations. It’s a god damned shame.”