Cherry Ghost - Karaoke, Anyone??

The Brass Monkey
6/13/08

Written by: Cherry Ghost

I know, I know. You’ve been there a MILLION times. It’s fun ol’ news to you. But listen, I hadn’t.

I once had a dream about The Brass Monkey. In my dream it was the biggest karaoke bar in Los Angeles. With shiny white walls, diffused soft light and ultra modern furniture. People were dressed like pop stars and they all could sing like Aretha. Everyone had glowing straight white teeth and 100 watt smiles. Cute little waitresses in low-cut tops served fancy cocktails and delicious snacks.

The only thing left over from this dream after my recent foray in Korea Town was that the waitresses were in fact, pretty cute. The rest of the dream was almost the complete opposite of the actual Brass Monkey. Keep in mind, that was an anxiety dream – as I am horrified and terrified of karaoke. (My performance, not the performance of others.) The last time I tried to go to The Brass Monkey was YEARS ago. My friends and I got lost never found it. I acted irritated, but I was secretly VERY relieved.

The Brass Monkey turned out to be quite unassuming. Like a little log cabin tucked away in the underbelly an office building. From the moment we stepped in and were greeted by a nice old gentleman, I had the feeling that all my fears were unsubstantiated. I felt lucky to get a table. A table? At a popular bar? On Friday night?

Then I realized that everyone stands, and the only view my table got me was ass. I wish I liked stranger ass more. So we moved to the bar. And a great vantage point for crowd watching and singer watching – yet out of the way of singer heckling. And by “singer heckling”, I don’t mean that people heckle the singer, I mean that the singer tends to heckle the crowd. Or “flirt”. I guess you could call some of it “flirting.”

Here is my determination: I like watching Karaoke. I would like it even more if the following standards were in place…

1. All songs must be four minutes or under. Do not have longer options on the menu.

2. The hired “host” must actually be funny and/or cool and not just pretending to be funny and/or cool.

3. No sitting while you sing. If you are sitting while you sing, you chose the wrong song. (Unless you are using the chair as a prop… then I forgive you).

4. If you pick a song that most of the audience doesn’t know, it better be DAMN good and you better perform the SHIT out of it.

It was kind of fun to be anonymous. But I’m sure it’s even more fun with a big group of drunk friends. Monopolizing the mic and singing like Aretha.

If it weren’t so far away, I would suggest the Tattletale Room over the Brass Monkey. Listen, that place is GREAT if you’re a scaredy-cat like me. Otherwise, put on your sequined skirt, brush your teeth (be sure to use white strips) and head on down The Brass Monkey.