Whirled News - White House Reveals Economic Plan

The Bush administration reacted boldly to the news that wholesale prices increased by 1.1 percent last month, the second largest increase in 33 years.

“Our economy is not experiencing inflation,” said chief economic spokesperson Buck Uberalles, “Like melting polar ice caps, our temporary economic downtown, and recent violence in Iraq, this is an anomalous spike that people are trying to turn into a crisis for political advantage.”

Uberalles acknowledged that the inflation spike, however temporary, did require government action to alleviate any short-lived suffering.

“Effective immediately,” he announced, “Supermarkets will begin passing out magnifying glasses and tweezers so that families will be able to more efficiently open increasingly downsized items like cereal boxes, candy bars, loaves of bread and milk cartons.”

He also presented optimistic government projections showing that the new packaging will “reduce stress on our nation’s landfills and conserve valuable resources.”

In addition, Uberalles revealed a proposed plan to provide every family with a wheelbarrow to cart armfuls of currency to supermarkets in order to buy a loaf of bread. The plan would be modeled after John McCain’s health care insurance plan, allowing every family who could afford one to buy it at a slight discount.

In response to objections that, like Senator McCain’s health insurance plan, this does nothing for the middle-class and poor, Uberalles pointed out that giving them wheelbarrows would be wasteful since they didn’t have the money anyway.