Whirled News - White House Observes Earth Hour

As millions of people around the world turned off their lights for one hour starting at 8 PM, the Bush administration unexpectedly joined the world-wide observation of Earth Hour. At precisely 7:30, gangs of thugs fanned out from the Rose Garden into the Washington, DC area, gouging out the eyes of any environmentalists they came across.



“None of these namby-pamby one-hour measures for us,” said Vice President Dick Cheney. “We put out some of their lights for good.”

Between 8 and 9 PM, the White House Earth Hour Squad, as it was officially designated, pulled people out of hybrid cars and broke into houses with only candlelight showing through the windows, sticking their thumbs into people’s eyes and twisting.



“We decided to bring the central metaphor of our administration into concrete reality,” said a White House spokesperson.



Before leaving the houses, squad members turned on all lights, appliances and power bars, leaving residents groping blindly amid the noise and glare.



“It’s a win-win situation,” explained the Vice President. “We’ve actually increased next month’s average utility bills, which will help the utility companies’ bottom line. And the very environmentalists who tried to sabotage our nation’s economy are now going to have to pay those higher bills.”

Officials announced they were so pleased with the program’s success that they intend to implement it in other cities next year. Reminded that a new administration will be in control next year, a spokesperson for Vice President Cheney replied, “Don’t be so sure.”