Sarges #1 - Who Un-Zipped My Fly?

There I was, talking to this hottie at work, and there it was… my un-zipped fly. I noticed she was staring at my balls, as I am a hot commodity. I pretended not to notice her sideways looks, and thought to myself, “Who in the fuck un-zipped my fly?”

I know for a fact that it couldn’t have been me who unzipped my own fly.

“Someone must have done this to me!” I thought, “But who?”

I came to the grim realization a few weeks earlier that I’m a terrible pickup artist. It came to me when I was out to lunch with the same hottie at work and got AMOGed by a co-worker. Let’s back track a little:

Sarging – the act of charming someone into going along with what you want them to do.

Pick up artist – an individual who uses his knowledge of social dynamics to win friends and influence people.

AMOG – Alpha Male of the Group, or Alpha Male Other Guy. An AMOG’s job is to neutralize you as a threat to his sexual replication.

Now that we’ve gotten that all cleared up, I’ll get back to the story. The lunch situation wasn’t exactly an ideal set up. There were two girls, me, and the AMOG.

She had appeared at my cube….randomly, and had invited me to go to lunch with her. I gave the usual PUA-type resistance, telling her jokingly that I would have to think about it. Just as I was about to begrudgingly accept her offer, there he was…. The AMOG.

Why is he always there when I don’t want him to be?

“Hey!” she said, turning her attention to him, “You should come to lunch too.”

Goddammit!

“Cool.” He replied. Then, he slunked off into the night like only an AMOG can.

Later that day, we went out to lunch. Knowing I was out-matched, I brought my pivot with me.

Pivot – a female wing-man.

We walked to the hottie’s car. I called shotgun, and was promptly shut down.

“I don’t think so,” the AMOG said, opening the door, and climbing into the front seat. It was a 2-door Lexus, or so I thought. I realized he had closed the door in my face so that I would have to walk around to the other side of the car to get into the back seat. I kept my guard up all through lunch, trying to pull AMOG tactics of my own; rolling my eyes in a creeped-out manner every time the AMOG spoke, asking him how all of his office girlfriends were doing, not answering questions directly, etc.

I’m not sure whether my tactics worked or not, but one thing is for certain. I rushed back to the car after lunch, and planed to do to the AMOG the same thing he had done to me earlier. I managed to get to the car first, score!

To my absolute horror, I realized that it was a 4-door Lexus, and that I had AMOGed myself. I was WAY embarrassed, but luckily no one noticed. Then, on the way back to the office, the hottie mentioned her boyfriend in passing, which is either nebulous, or a bad sign.

Women ONLY mention their boyfriends to men trying to fuck them for 2 reasons.

1. They’re trying to sub-communicate to the man that he is telegraphing too much interest before he has properly gamed her.

2. She wants to let him know that they can bang, but that it has to be on the down-low.

I was hoping it was reason #2. A few days later, there I was, standing at her cube, my fly hanging open like the entrance to a Spanish villa.

I couldn’t have un-zipped my own fly, as I’m not trying to have sex with myself. Who did this to me?

The point I’m trying to make, is… the reason why most men who study social dynamics still fail with women is that their game isn’t organic. Don’t get me wrong, never listen to your female friends when they say, “Just be a nice guy,” but… don’t become a social robot.

Social robot – A gamer who only has social dynamic tactics, but nothing interesting about his core personality to back it up.